I was privileged to spend two days at Nightingale Care Home in South London recently with a group of 18 passionate, driven individuals who care from the heart about dementia. Can you imagine what that felt like! The energy, the vibration, really quite profound and at moments so very moving.

An important point to understand is to truly be with others we require an element of self-awareness and insight as to who we are, both our fears and our joys. I have been fortunate to develop a deeper insight in to what makes me tick over the years in part thanks to training as a Person-centred Counsellor in 2000. This involved immense personal reflection coupled with having an avid interest in personal growth as a lifelong mission.

We know people living with dementia are more tuned in with us emotionally sensing much more than we may well realize. They will respond to our words, body language and tone. Our words themselves are only indicative of 7% of what we really mean. This is essential to understand when we relate to people living with dementia, in fact it happens in my mind to be essential in life generally too.

Learning skills to develop a person-centred connection and being able to validate the person living with dementia is where iCarer comes in; an acronym for a set of skillful therapeutic interactions. It is warmer, richer in feeling than that of everyday life. This was the essence of our training with Julia and Rosemary.

We took part in skills practice, following the iCARER™. The purpose is to find a shared meaning between two people and understand the reality the person with dementia is experiencing.

iCarer™

i – self awareness

C - Centre

A - Associate

R – Reflect/ Repeat

E – Explore

R – Restore/ Reminisce

By using such interaction, the helper is conveying, you are important to me. I am listening. I want to understand. This builds the therapeutic relationship, an emotional model of care!

Often what stops us in connecting with meaning is being unable to get out of our own way. Our social conditioning, inhibitions and care policies can often prevent us from connecting I know this has been true for me. I am working on this and it is an evolving process that I learn from daily. The safety and trust between us a group enabled us to be vulnerable and authentic which allowed a rich layer to our group dynamic.

Understanding a person’s biography and how it shapes who we are is essential when learning how to be with someone living with dementia particularly in the later stages. For a person living with dementia significant life themes and their emotional responses to them is crucial when relating and ‘being’ with them in a meaningful way.

Person-centred validation offers a therapeutic relationship that can be transformational

“A really enjoyable worthwhile workshop, a complementary tool to our in house training”

“So informative, learning how to identify emotions and connect on an emotional level, and that's Okay”

“Julia and Rosemary really enabled us to enter into the content and form meaningful connections with each other. They were vulnerable and open which was wonderful and validated our own humanity as we grapple with our life stories and struggle with the content”

The application of person-centred validation verbal and non-verbal interactions skills demonstrate the empathetic process at various stages of living with dementia. They are invaluable. We are all now able to deliver the 3 hour iCarer™ workshop to three group types.

This short piece is to whet the appetite, I have no intention in giving away the training course content but merely to inspire and encourage you to discover more and join us as we are on the cusp of significant change in caring for people with dementia and educating others to do the same.

Julia and Rosemary are trailblazers in this work thank you, thank you, thank you ladies for sharing your heart and allowing me to share mine and to my fellow participants. Let us continue making a difference with our love, empowerment and compassion.

Written by Gina Awad – Dementia Campaigner & Founder of the Exeter Dementia Action Alliance, Alzheimer’s Society Dementia Champion of the Year 2016