Our humanity is based on human relationships.
Since the beginning of time, whatever your beliefs the human condition is programmed to form meaningful relationships with others. These can take different forms. We know that we are valuable human beings throughout the life course, from cradle to grave. Sadly, our society and how it is structured tends to still be ageist although we have added years to life through good public health over the years, for us to enjoy. The challenge we are facing is how to add quality of life to years in the context of what matters most to us when we come to the end part of the journey. It is clear from research that people value less their possessions and work achievements over the people that matter most to them. This could be a partner or grandchildren as a way of passing on – the cycle of life.
Having been though the care home experience with my own mother, I understand the anguish many families are having at staying connected to their loved ones in their last days. The relative is the holder of the keys to the window of the world of the person who may have dementia. They are the fundamental link for the person and are the ones most able to share the story with staff in their legitimate visiting, advocacy, and monitoring roles. The following standards are fundamental to the wellbeing of a care home from the perspective of the older person and their family. I learnt this when I asked my mother repeatedly what mattered most to her. The poetry and the pain of dementia were shown in her words:
Click here to see a YouTube clip of my mothers poem
The sadness linked to her early years of separation anxiety in a workhouse in Hackney after the first world war. We arrived well into her forties and are alive to tell the tale of a previous generation and what they had to live through after this war ‘to end all wars’.
It is extremely hard for care homes who have been assaulted from all sides with unreasonable uncertainties. We need to protect them and their integrity so they can enable and mandate the things from top management down that matter most to residents and families during this pandemic.
Government could give attention to protecting indemnity which has prevented some Homes to take the humane path due to soaring insurance premiums. This around ensuring everything is done to keep a primary carer connected in person with their loved one. Speeding up testing is the other obstacle. Residents are not prisoners and we need a proportionate humane response. The effect of isolation from loved ones is well known and a fast way to the spiral of deterioration. #Care home staff need to give hope and feel their job is worthwhile. Watching residents and families in distress that could be prevented is extremely hard to take over time as positive outcomes are compromised. We need continuity of #care staff as they hold out the hand of hope for so many in distress. The Homes that have taken positive measures to embrace families need to be applauded. There is a lot of scope for changing of minds and the hope is that this will be fundamental to assuaging the despair of isolation and dislocation, just as lethal as #Covid-19.